Lies For You
by IMAxENIGMAx
Summary: Lilli isn't a happy girl like everyone thinks she is she is depressed and Vash doesnt know it. First Fanfic summerys bad better one inside rated T cause im paronied. Human names used Switzerland and Liechtenstein.
1. Chapter 1

Lies For You

Warnings: not many here really mentions of self mutilation and suicidal thoughts not much else.

Summary: Everyone always thinks that Lilli is a sweet little girl who loves every bit of life, everyone, and can't fight or lie for her life. They are what I like to call wrong. Lilli is a depressed girl only living until life gets too unbearable which might be sooner than you think. Vash and Lilli Swiss/Liech? I'm yet undecided. First FanFic!

It's never easy, lying to Vash, but I have to. He can't know how I feel inside, how I cut my self, how-before I met him- my life was. So I lie, I pretend to be happy, to love every second of life, to be a naïve little girl. Little did I know how easily that could change.

"Lilli! Come inside and put on something cooler. You'll get heatstroke in that," Vash was telling me, yet again, to put on something without long sleeves. I look at my wrists and arms, thinking about what would happen if he ever saw my scars. Shuddering, I choose my response, "I'm fine, Vash, really." He gave me a doubtful look and went back inside. I let the smile on my face fall and I roll up my sleeves. _'I can't ever let Vash see me like this.' _I silently vow in my head, least Vash hears me. Staring at the multitude of scars on my wrists and arms I run a finger over the most recent two, they're still open just starting to scab. "Ah!" I whisper, as pain courses through my arm. Rolling my sleeves down I look at the sky. It's time to make Vash and me lunch.

"Back to the salt mines," I murmur and put that idiotic smile back on my face.

* * *

AN: TAAAAADAAAAA! My firs FanFic EVER done! Well maybe, I'm considering making this multi-chapter, but I don't know I need opinions! Sooo yeah, not really any historical mumbo jumbo in this.

Review please they are love! But I'm serious, review and tell me if I should go die in a corner or if I should continue I really don't know. BYS PEOPLES!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Food, a fall, and a Frenchman.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the computer I'm typing this on… -.-

"Did you like it Bruder?" I asked Vash, like I do every day. He looks up at me and doesn't answer. _'Does he know?' _The thought pops into my head without warning and I blanch. Instead of returning his gaze, I look at my plate, seeing nothing wrong. "Don't look so worried, Lilli, it's very good." I smile at that, a fake smile, but still a smile. We finished eating without further incident and went to go our separate ways; Vash to do paper work and target practice, me to wash the dishes and stay out of anyone's way.

_'Should I tell him? What would happen if I did tell him? Would he still help me? Would he still lo- NO! I won't think that! He doesn't love me, how could anyone love me? I'm not wor-'_

"AHHHHHHH!" I had been so lost in my thoughts I hadn't realized that I was at the top of the stairs. Then I felt it, that warm, familiar liquid flowing smoothly over my pale skin. I was bleeding, but….. not from my wrists, from my head. But there was more- hands- I felt hands. One on my side and one on the back of my of my neck, cradling my head like I was a newborn. _'Vash must have heard me,'_ I thought before opening my eyes

"Lilli! Are you all right? I saw you fall, but there was nothing I could do."

"I'm fine, just a little tumble," I reassured him.

"No, you aren't. You have a cut on your head and it's bleeding."

"Oh. It- it's nothing."

"It's _something_, now come on, we'll clean it up." The tone in Vash's voice told me there was no backing out in this one so I let him carry me into his bathroom and sit me down like I was some incompetent three year old. "I could've walked, Bruder." I used my nickname for him to show him that I was fine. "Maybe, but I still didn't want to risk you falling down again and getting even more injured." "'Even more injured' Bruder? Don't you mean 'more injured'?" I laughed, correcting him

"Grammar Nazi"

"Over-protective"

"Klutz"

"I surrender! We are getting nowhere and I'm afraid of gettingblood on this dress!" He laughed at that and blushed, looking- in a rare moment- what could almost be called sheepish. "What were you thinking about so intently?" He asked me, not realizing how the question affected me. _'He can't know what I was actually thinking' _so I did what came naturally to me, I lie. Except, this time I don't, not because I don't want to but because one doesn't come to me."Nothing," I say lamely.

"Why won't you tell me things anymore?" Vash asks trying to guilt me into answering him.

"It's not that, Bruder. If anything important is going on you'll be the second to know, I promise."

"Second?"

"I'll know first silly." I said, giggling idiotically. He smiled at that and looked a little relieved. Then he frowned. "This is going to hurt a little," he said warning me before he pressed the alcohol soaked cloth to my forehead. I whimpered at the pain, though it was nowhere near the pain I felt when I cut my self. "I'm sorry, Lilli."

"What do you have to be sorry for?" I asked him confusion lacing my words.

"For hurting you." He stated simply.

"Bruder you have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't hurt me; you're helping to _heal _me. "I said trying to reassure him.

"Still the alcohol hurt you, I heard you whimper."

"Vash," he looked up at me, probably because I never use his real name. "You didn't hurt me. _I _hurt me. Understand?" I asked. He nodded and looked relieved, obviously not catching the double meaning in my words. _*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*_ "Hmmmm, I wonder who that could be?" Vash mused, putting the bandage on my forehead. "I'll get it!" I said getting up and running past him towards the door.

"Mein Gott! Lilli get back here!" He yelled after me, too late though. He chased me through the house towards the front door. I ran down the stairs- careful not to fall again- and through the living room where I tripped him with a chair. "OOMPH!" I heard him yell after a soft thud.

I opened the door with a click of the lock sliding out of place. "Hello? Mr. Bonnefoy?"

"Bonjour Lilli, Mon Dieu! What happened to your head?" He asked with concern.

"Oh that, nothing I just fell down the stairs."

"What a tragedy! I hope you have been well other than this unfortunate incident marring your beautiful face."

"I have thank you. I trust you have been well als-" I cut off feeling his lips press against the white bandage.

"That will make it heal faster," He said looking down at me.

"Oh." I said simply not knowing what else to say. _*CLICK*_ I heard Vash's rifle cocking. _'He must have seen Francis kiss me,' _I thought.

"What are you doing here?" Vash said coldly.

"I am just here to tell you that the world meeting has been moved up it is tomorrow at Denmark's place."

"Thank you for the notification but never touch Liechtenstein again." Vash said, using my country name. "Now get off my doorstep before I shoot you."

"Au revouir, Lilli. Aller en Enfer, Vash" He said looking at us. Using what little knowledge of French I have I answered him back in German, "Wir sehen uns morgen."

"Zur Hölle fahren. " Vash told him using a wider knowledge of French to translate what he said.

We ate dinner that night without saying a word to each other both thinking about tomorrows meeting, even though I dont have a major role in meetings I'm still required to be there. "It's going to be an early morning tomorrow, Lilli we should both turn in early."

"Ok goodnight, Bruder." I said.

"Goodnight."

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AN: Well, well, well look who didn't die in a corner. ME! So how's everyone liking it I still need reviews they are my motivation and one review did this so just imagine what ohhhh maybe 10 reviews could do! It's a little challenge from me to you. OHMYGOSH! cross-over-lover232 thank you so much for being my first reviewer EVER! I seriously can't wait for more and this chapter is all because of you, uh-huh that's right be proud! So next chapter I see someone maybe finding out Lilli's secret GAH WHAT? Yeah I don't know its kinda your choice as to if someone finds that out next chapter or not and who too. Right now I'm thinking Canada, but maybe a Nordic. OHMYGOSH the Nordics! Yeah they'll be there too I need pairing ideas im going total USxUK and PRUCAN maybe GERITA too but if you wanna see specific ones tell me especially who you world like to see Liechtenstein with, im stuck with that. RnR as per the usual, lemme know what ya'll think.

Translations:

Bruder: German brother

Bonjour: French hello or good day

Au revouir: French good bye

Aller en Enfer: French go to hell

Wir sehen uns morgen: German see you tomorrow

Zur Hölle fahren: German go to hell

o.O if i got anything wrong do not be afraid to correct me and blame google translate.

IMAxENIGMAx out, peace!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the computer I'm typing this on. Well I do own the plot but yeah that's 'bout all.

Warnings: yeah there are some this chapter ummm so without further adeau language, mentions of rape, self mutilation, and….. FRANCE! DUN DUN DUN. Pffft that last ones enough to make it rated M. ENJOY:

_'Run, run, RUN!' I kept telling myself, listening to the laughter that seemed to echo all around me. "NO!" I screamed, hitting the brick wall that blocked my path. "Looks like you've nowhere left to go," the man chasing me said. I turned around and tried to say something but all that came out was, "Mmmph." I felt the drugs he had slipped into my drink start to take effect as I slid down the wall, a single tear slid down my cheek as I blacked out._

_I found myself lying naked on a strange bed in a strange room. I had bruises and cuts running up and down the length of my body and I knew what had happened. Then I saw it, a note. In elegant script it read, 'You are the 24th victim of the Laugher. Have a nice day.' That was all it said, all it needed to say for me to know that I had been raped._

"AHHH," I woke with a start, a small whimper escaping my lips. _'That dream, why always that dream, that part of my past?' _I thought for what must've been the thousandth time. It was 5:41 in the morning, thirty-four minutes before I usually woke up. Knowing that I couldn't go back to sleep, I double checked what I had packed the night before. After that, I went started my shower. _'Why must it always be that dream? That time before Vash found me? IT'S NOT FAIR!' _I thought finishing my shower. After that I banned all thoughts from that dream and went to make me and Vash breakfast.

"Bruder," I called softly outside his door. Receiving no answer I tried again, this time balancing his breakfast on my hip and knocking. "Bruder, are you awake?" I called a little louder. "Lilli, I'm right behind you," I heard Vash's behind me. Against my better judgment I instantly thought of the dream, of me being cornered and nowhere to go. All of my muscles tensed and I turned on my heel, careful not to spill any of Vash's breakfast.

"I- I didn't know that you were awake, Bruder. H-here's your breakfast." I said trying to mask the pure panic in my voice. I shoved the tray at him, forcing him to take a few steps back, and I ran. I ran down the hallway as fast as I could. I ran into the kitchen and out the back door turning towards my least favorite path. I ran down it and finally feeling as though I couldn't keep running I turned and ran off the path far enough to find a big tree to hide behind. _'Stop shaking, deep breaths,' _I commanded of myself. Feeling wetness on my face I reached up and touched my cheek. In my panicked state I had started crying. "Verdammt," I swore and wiped the silent tears off my face. I crouched behind the tree for a little while longer before I heard it, "Lilli! Lilli, where are you?" I heard Vash calling to me and decided that I couldn't hide any longer. I dried my face one more time to make sure I had gotten every last tear, stood up, and found the path. I jogged down the path for a little while before coming within eye-sight of the house.

"Bruder!" I called, seeing Vash's form going towards my favorite path. He turned around and started jogging towards me. "Do you know how worried I was? Or how long I have been looking for you?"

"What? How long?"

"I've been looking for you for thirty minutes, Lilli. What did I do to make you run like that?"

"You didn't do anything, Bruder." I deadpanned, not wanting him to know about the horrors of my past. To him I was sweet, innocent, happy Lille, and most importantly, still-a-virgin-Lilli. He didn't need to know something that happened so long ago. Looking at the sky, I knew that it was time to go. "It's time to go, Bruder." I said and turned around to leave. Instead of letting me leave like he usually would, he grabbed my shoulder.

"Lilli, Denmark can wait. I want to know what I did to scare you so badly."

"Just let it alone, Vash. Ich hole meine Sachen, ich werde Sie mit dem Auto treffen." I said and broke away from his grasp. Instead of going to get my things right away, I decided to change the bandage on my forehead. The cut stung when I pulled the bandage off and even more when I put the antiseptic on it. I put the new bandage on the cut and went to get my things. I swapped out a green dress for a black one as I left. That left 2 other black dresses, 2 pink, and 2 blue. I knew that we'd be staying a week and decided to pack an extra dress just in case. As I passed by a window right outside my room a flash of lightning caught my attention. The thunder not a second after the lightning was almost deafening. Then it started a down poor. "Joy," I muttered sarcastically before going out to meet Vash by the car. "Are you ready?" He asked me the tension in the car building on every word he said. "As I'll ever be," I replied as we sped off.

The car ride was awkward, to say the least, and we had avoided talking past those few words in the beginning. But sitting on the private jet I realized that there was no way we could avoid talking. Apparently he realized that too. "Lilli," Vash said as the plane reached a comfortable cruising level.

"You need to tell me what happened to you at breakfast. You were fine when you were knocking on my

door, but when I made myself known behind you freaked out. You looked like a caged animal. _What happened?"_ Vash said, emphasizing the last two words.

"It-It's a long story." I said not wanting to relive the past horrors that I had dreamt of the night before.

"Well, we have quite a bit of time, so tell me." He wasn't giving up and I was suddenly too tired to fight him so I gave in, telling him one of my many secrets. "Fine, you want so badly to know what made me react like that?" He nodded motioning for me to continue. "Fine," I took a deep breath and continued. "Vash, I was raped. Very violently raped. I was the 24th victim of the most infamous rapper in Liechtenstein to date. We called him 'The Laugher' he would always chase his victims before the drugs he slipped into their drinks took effect. He had a maniac laugh and would laugh the whole time you were awake. And he got me." Tears had started to poor down my cheeks and I wiped them away in vain more just kept coming. "Oh Lilli, I'm so sorry, you don't have to continue if you-"

"No Vash," I said cutting him off. "You wanted to know and you are going to God damn listen to what I have to say to you. I tried to out run him, but he chased me to a dead end and that's where the drugs took effect. I tried to tell him not to do it but only a groan came out. I blacked out after that. I woke up somewhere I had never been naked and injured. I went to the hospital and you wouldn't believe what they told me." I stopped taking a deep breath before continuing. "They told me that the raping had been so violent that I needed immediate surgery. I went into surgery, thinking nothing they could do could be very bad. I was wrong. The doctors-removed- things. I can't ever have any children. I already knew that it was rare for a country to have kids but I liked knowing that I had the opportunity if I really tried. I don't now, all because of that one man." I had to stop talking because after I said that violent sobs tried to shake my body but I held most of them back, one broke through.

"Oh, Lilli. I had no idea. But you haven't answered my original question though."

"I keep having this reoccurring nightmare, of the moments before and after I was raped. All the feelings are the same, as if I wasn't just reliving it, but as if it was the first time the part before I black out is when he's blocking my path and I have nowhere left to go. The words he says in between his bouts of laughter still haunt me, he says 'Looks like you've nowhere left to go' and-and this mor-morning when y-you were be-behin-d me I co-could-n't help but th-think of th-that dream. I h-had it la-last n-night and- and-and," I was fully breaking down in sobs now, I couldn't keep talking they were so violent. I doubled over and put my face into the fabric on my thighs.

"Shhhhh," Vash said pulling me up to him. I buried my head into his shoulder, letting the tears come freely now. "Shhhhhh," he repeated, rocking us back and forth, his hands wrapping around me in a one-sided hug. "It'll be okay, Lilli. He won't ever get near you again, I promise." We stay like that for a while, me trying to get my sobs under control and him whispering soothing things into my ear. I finally got them under control and sat up looking at Vash.

"I'm sorry, Bruder." I say truthfully, not making eye-contact.

"Lilli, what on earth could you possibly have to be sorry for?" He asked me.

"For breaking down like that."

"Lilli if anyone is sorry it's me, I shouldn't have forced you to say something that you clearly didn't want to, though I am happy you told me. How often do you have that nightmare?" He asked. I thought for a moment. "Umm, probably three or four times a week, at all different times at night. His expression was one of hurt and confusion. "Why didn't you tell me about this before?" he asked.

"I didn't want to worry you. You do so much for me and I don't want you to ever think that I don't appreciate it and that I don't love you."

"Lilli, I do what I do because I love you, you are my little sister, and I would hate for you to feel like you can't tell me things." I stared at him open mouthed. A small blush was forming on his cheeks, no doubt from my silence. He never expressed his feelings so openly. "I-I- DANKE BRUDER!" I said and gave him a giant hug. He hugged me back and started talking again. "Lilli you can tell me anything and I'll do anything to help you." The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful. We talked some more, but only about the meeting, and who I should and shouldn't talk to. We didn't want a repeat of last meeting when Francis ended up groping a helpless me.

"Lilli, Lilli, wake up we're almost there."

"Hmmm? Oh haha sorry." I must've fallen asleep. It really wasn't a surprise it had already been a long day and it was only eleven in the morning. The plane landed and we had to go straight to the conference._ *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*_ Vash knocked on Denmark's door and politely waited for it to be open. Once it did we were led to the conference room and things got straight down to business.

Since I had confessed a part of my past to Vash my mood had been quickly dropping, I knew that I wanted to- no needed to- cut or I wouldn't make it much longer. I caught Korea's eye when England and America started arguing, once again, about America's health care system. I quickly put on my fake 'everything's fine' face and smiled. He smiled back, but there was something else. Like he knew what I had been thinking about doing.

"Everyone take a break while these two idiots calm down," Germany's voice boomed through the conference room. From my seet it looked as though they had already calmed down, seeing as they were currently making out. I stood up and looked down at Vash. "I'm going to go to the bathroom, Bruder."

"Alright just don't let anyone do anything to you. Don't be afraid to pull out the gun I know you have strapped to your leg."

I blushed, "I know, Bruder. Don't worry." I smiled another fake smile and went to find the bathroom. Once I found it I took out the small razor blade I always had hidden with me and made two even parallel lines on both my wrists. I held my arms out over the sink and felt the release of my blood. That feeling I had been longing to feel I finally had. All the peace that came with doing this and- _*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!*_

"Liechtenstein let me in. I know you're in there and I know what you're doing do not make me go get Switzerland." I heard Korea's voice outside the door but didn't open it, I couldn't yet. Not without getting blood all over the floor. "Lilli, I'm giving you until three before I pick the lock. One, two, three." He opened the door and looked at me. Well he mostly looked at my wrists. Then he shut the door and grabbed some toilet paper from the tiny roll. He placed a small wad on each of my wrists and looked at me.

"Don't tell Vash! Please don't tell Vash, I'll do anything."

"Relax Lilli, I have them too." He said showing me his wrists. They had as many scars as mine did, and I felt immensely relieved to know I wasn't the only one who had a secret as big as this one. "Thank you, Young-su." He nodded and rolled his sleeves down. "I think they've slowed down enough," I said reaching for the gauze I had. Young-su helped me bandage the new cuts and we went out together. "Lille, you can't let Yao know, I won't tell Vash, I swear, but if Yao found out we'd both be in trouble."

"I understand, I won't tell your secret, hell it's the same as mine. We went back to the conference room as new friends, as secret holders, as cut budies.

Vash and I were walking back to the car when we heard it. Vash had parked a couple of blocks away and we were walking in a deserted parking lot. Only one of the street lamps worked and it was about to die. It was laughter, insane laughter. Not like someone told a funny joke or fell down a flight of stairs, no it was insane, murderous, laughter. It was the laughter of the man that raped me.

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AN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA cliff hanger! XD I felt bad for not updating since like Tuesday so I made a really long chappie! God I have been typing for 5 hours and if you tell me you hated it I will die. I will go to Venus and die. :/ yeah sad part is that I was pretty happy while typing this chapter! LIE! I was downright ecstatic! But I have had writers block for the most of this week so yeah this is pure genius. I'm pretty sure my teachers hate me but meh. I don't like them either. LOL I'm sooooooo sleep deprived right now! Ok so request pwese: I'm getting lots of author favorites and story alerts but I would really love some reviews! I love my lonely reviewer cross-lover232 but I want others opinions too!

OHMYGOSH I forgot the Nordics! Well sort of, Denmark did open the door XD lol I swear they'll b in next chapter. So who do you want Lilli's rapper to be hmmmmm? I was thinking someone they know but I have no idea who. He could just be a random guy too. I agree with the anonymous reviewer what do you guys think of a little IceLich? Ok I'm gonna stop talking now. I'll try to update this weekend if not, Monday for sure!

Translations:

Verdammt: German Damn

Danke: German Thanks

Ich hole meine Sachen, ich werde Sie mit dem Auto treffen: German I'll go get my things, I'll meet you by the car. Read phonetically

Dictionary - View detailed dictionary

**pronoun **

ich


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I OWN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! NOT LORD OF THE RINGS NOR HETALIA! I ONLY OWN DE PLOT GOTS IT? YOU TAKE THE PLOT I COME HUNT YOU DOWN AND HANG YOU BY YOUR THUMBS! XD

"No," I whispered, eyes going wide.

"Lilli, what is it?" Vash asked me.

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"The laughter," and as if on cue he laughed again, louder and more maniacal.

"You mean, The Laugher, my sweet number twenty-four." His voice sounded all around us, and we couldn't figure out where he was. "Lilli, is that?" Vash asked, not saying the name, there was no reason to say the name. I nodded, I was too afraid to speak.

"I heard about your surgery, I wanted to come find you and claim you as my toy." He laughed again, the sound echoing around us.

"RUN!" I finally find my voice and grabbed Vash's hand. We ran through the parking lot towards the car. Little did we know that that was exactly where The Laugher was hiding.

"Well hello there, number twenty-four, you cut your hair. I don't like it, you look less innocent than the last time I saw you. But then again it fits, considering that I took away that very innocence."

"Keep away from her you monster," Vash growled, pushing me behind him.

"Who might this be, hmmm? A boy friend, no he doesn't look at you like that, maybe a- yes. A surrogate brother. How sweet, but I'm afraid I will have to ask you to take your hands off of my property." He said stepping closer to Vash and me. That step was one step to far, Vash gently shoved me to the side, and took his gun out. He aimed but just as he squeezed the trigger The Laugher hit Vash's hand just barely to the side far enough that the bullet just barely missed his head. He reached out with his other hand and yanked me towards him. I reached towards the gun on my leg and grabbed it. I shot him in the shoulder, causing him to let go of me and clutch his own shoulder. I didn't hesitate in pushing him away from me, hard enough to make him stumble and almost fall.

"You little schlampe," he growled, he said backhanding me. I didn't give him the satisfaction of making any noise; I just got up and went to the passenger side of the car. Vash climbed in right after me and started the car.

"Drive." I ordered, before he could speak. He did as I said and drove to our hotel. This just happened to be the hotel that the rest of the world was staying at as well and we were lucky to not run into any other countries. We didn't talk the whole drive or the short trip up to our room but as soon as we were in our room Vash's stoic appearance melted away and he became the worried older brother I knew he was inside.

"Are you alright?" He asked me, running both his hands up and down my body, gently checking for injury.

"Bruder, my body's fine, it's my face that I'm worried about."

"Huh?"

"He backhanded me, remember?" His eyes immediately flew up to my face and widened fractionally. Anyone else wouldn't have been able to tell but I had known him long enough to identify the slight widening.

"Mein Gott," he whispered. I went into the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and gasped. The right side of my face was already starting to bruise. The top of my cheek along with the bottom and corner of my eye was already turning blue and the corner of my mouth along with a small area of my jaw line was a purple color. I could tell they were both going to be black tomorrow and I prayed that no one would question me about them at the World Meeting.

"Lilli, how hard id he hit you?" Vash asked with an unidentifiable tone in his voice.

"Ummm really hard, as I'm sure you can see. These will be black tomorrow," I said hesitantly, not wanting to set off. I knew Vash hated seeing me injured and this was certainly no exception. He ran a hand through his hair before speaking.

"What are we going to tell everyone tomorrow? It's not like you can't just not show up on your birthday. Someone would most likely come here and demand to know what happened not to mention I don't want you alone with the chance of The Laugher getting you." He blushed a little at the end and looked away.

"We will tell them that I was attacked last night when you went to go get the car. Everything will be all right, Bruder."

"Since when did you learn to think on your feet like that?"

"Well lest see, how long have I been hiding that dream from you?"

"Fair point, fair point."

"So what do we do now?" I asked, hoping for a simple answer.

"Mmmm how about supper, TV, and bed?"

"Sounds good to me," I said. So that's exactly what we did. We had a quiet time for the rest of the night and after a Lord of the Rings marathon we went to bed. Just before I fell asleep I heard Vash's voice.

"Gute nacht, Lilli."

"Gute nacht, Bruder."

(AU: you don't have to read this it's just her nightmare.)

'_Run, run, RUN!' _I kept telling myself, listening to the laughter that seemed to echo all around me. "NO!" I screamed, hitting the brick wall that blocked my path. "Looks like you've nowhere left to go," the man chasing me said. I turned around and tried to say something but all that came out was, "Mmmph." I felt the drugs he had slipped into my drink start to take effect as I slid down the wall, a single tear slid down my cheek as I blacked out.

I found myself lying naked on a strange bed in a strange room. I had bruises and cuts running up and down the length of my body and I knew what had happened. Then I saw it, a note. In elegant script it read, 'You are the 24th victim of the Laugher. Have a nice day.' That was all it said, all it needed to say for me to know that I had been raped.

"NO!" I said, instead of my usual whimper. Then I realized I was sitting up and there were hands on my shoulders lightly shaking me. I opened my eyes and saw Vash sitting in front of me.

"Lilli, Lilli, are you all right?"

"Yeah, fine. It was just a nightmare, Bruder, go back to sleep."

"Was it the nightmare you told me about?" He asked completely ignoring what I had said.

"Yes, but it's not a big deal."

"Of course it was, you were kicking and hitting and whimpering in your dream."

"Oh. Yeah, that sometimes happens."

"You were crying too," He said hesitantly.

"Yeah that also happens. But I'm fine now. You don't need to worry, now go back to sleep." I wiped my face and looked at the clock. 3:42, damn.

"I-I'm going to go do something," I said moving to get up.

"Lilli, you should go back to sleep," Vash said.

"Nein, Bruder. I can't go back to sleep, not yet."

"A-all right." He said.

"You go back to sleep, I won't wake you up, ok."

"Ok, I'll see you in a few hours."

"Gute nacht, Bruder." I said watching him lie back down in his bed.  
I went into the bathroom and started cleaning. I cleaned everything, from the floor to the shower and everything in between. Then I came to the mirror. I didn't want to see my face, didn't want to see the bruise. But I had to look sometime and this was that time.

"Mein Gott, I whispered. I pressed my fingers to the black area and hissed at the pain. The parts of my face that had been purple and blue the day before were completely black and the area of cheek in-between them was blue. I crept out of the bathroom and looked at the clock, 5:30 I had an extra half hour so I decided to take a shower. I turned the water to a scalding hot temperature, and tried to scrub away all the bad memories of my past. Eventually giving up I dried off and went to the kitchen to make us breakfast. I made pancakes using the recipe that Matthew had given us.

"Mmmm," I heard Vash waking up.

"Breakfast is almost ready," I called in direction of the beds. I heard the bathroom door close and the toilet flush. When he came back out he had a confused look on his face.

"Lilli did you clean the whole bathroom?" He asked.

"Yup," I said sitting down at my place. He joined me soon after and looked at his breakfast.

"When did you get back to sleep," he asked still looking at his breakfast.

"I didn't, I usually don't after that nightmare, well not until that afternoon when I usually fall asleep." I said.

"What's your plan for today ~" He asked breaking off when he saw my face. Pretending I didn't hear the break off I answered him. "Drink lots of caffeine and crash when we get back here."

"Why don't you nap during the breaks?"He suggested. I hadn't considered that, but it seemed like a very good idea. Vash looked at my face again and couldn't help a, "Mein Gott."

"That's what I said when I saw it."

"Does it- does it hurt?"

"Well of course it hurts, but I've had worse," I said with a shrug.

"Are you sure you want to go to the meeting?"

"Yes." I said with determination. I wasn't going to let The Laugher win, I couldn't. "Come on, we have to get ready," I said when we had both finished eating.

"I'll shower while you change," Vash said heading towards the bathroom, grabbing his suitcase along the way. I went over to my suitcase and chose one of the black dresses. I had been planning to wear it today anyway so the circumstances seemed ironic. The dress itself was floor length with a v-cut that went down to about an inch past my collar bone. The skirt was full and floor length with a crimson pattern all around it. It laced up the back with a crimson ribbon and I added a crimson ribbon around my neck as a choker. Today was my birthday and I wanted to look special.

"Lilli, I forgot to tell you, happy birthday." Vash said coming around the corner.

"Thank you, Bruder."

"When did you get that?"

"On my independence day, Elizaveta gave it to me."

"Oh," he said simply. "Let's get going."

The ride to Denmark's house was short. Vash wanted to let me out at the house but I told him The Laugher wouldn't come after me in broad daylight. Nevertheless he still parked closer. Vash knocked on the door and we heard a come in from somewhere inside the house. We did as instructed and went straight to the meeting room. I sat down next to Vash and laid my head on my arms.

"Lilli, Lilli, the meeting is about to start." I heard Vash's voice I my ear, and the rumbling voice of Ludwig.

"Everybody sit in your seats! Presentations are to be eight minutes long and only of importance and for God's sake Liechtenstein get your head up off the table this isn't nap time…" His voice died out when I lifted my head. I felt stares from all around the table and for the first time I have every witnessed there was Dead. Silence.

* * *

AN: HAI! *waves like an idiot* I told you I would update today and guess what I did! Again I'm sorry for lack of Nordics (I love them but not as much as Vash or Matthew) and I made sure to include them in one part, Denmark yelled from somewhere mysterious in his house XD. LOL I got 2 hours of sleep over the weekend and totally ignored my teachers in class today so I'm pretty sure Senora hates me. Meh like I really care. I am so sorry this chapter turned out so bad but it was hell to write on the plus side the next chappie is coming along smoothly! So I'm pretty busy this week what with all the auditions for the play so I might not update till the weekend. I hope to update before then but no promises. I love all of you my lovely readers and anyone who reviews get a hug from Vash

Vash: must I

Me: you must or I will light you on fire now tell the lovely peoples to review *holds flame thrower at his head*

Vash: Please review, bitte.

Translations:

Bitte: please

Mein Gott: My God

Gute Nacht: Good Night

Schlampe: Bitch

Oh yeah those were all German. BAI!


	5. Chapter 5

Everyone started talking at once, but this time, it was about me.

"Liechtenstein, what happened?"

"Holy crap Lilli your face's black!"

"Lills, what'd ya' do? Fall down a flight of stairs, kesesesese."

"Lilli! That's the dress I gave you! Oh you still look so pretty in it!"

"Everybody just stop talking!" I yelled slamming my hands on the table. Of course nobody listened. They were all too caught up in there ridiculous theories about what happened to me. Vash decided to take action, having heard enough. He raised his handgun in the air and fired. There was a stunned silence that Vash took advantage of. "She was attacked last night when I went to go get the car. It's my fault, I shouldn't have left her alone but what has happened happened and there is nothing we can do to change the past." Denmark had slowly been turning red during Vash's speech and finally exploded.

"Someone. Attacked. A Nation. IN MY HOME?" Denmark was yelling at the end and I cringed in my seat at the volume of his voice. He brought his axe out from seemingly nowhere and started towards me. The rest of the Nordics had gone over by then and were trying to calm Denmark. It wasn't working so Iceland tried a different approach. He came over to me and looking between me and Vash, started speaking.

"Ummm, Lilli, I don't want to be rude but maybe you should come with me. You know, at least until Den calms down?"

"Ok," I said turning to Vash, "Bruder, I'm going to go with Iceland to, ummm where are we going?" I said turning back to Iceland.

"My room, if that's alright with you."

"Ok. Bruder I'm going with Iceland to his room."

"Is that really necessary?" Vash asked.

"Bruder, I'll be fine." I said giving him a pout I knew he couldn't resist.

"Fine, but if you do anything to Lilli, I will know and I will find you." Vash warned, giving Iceland a death glare.

"You have my word, Switzerland; I will not harm Lilli in any way."

"C'mon let's go before he changes his mind or before Denmark figures out your plan."

"Alright," Iceland said, grabbing my hand. He blushed as he led me towards his room. He tried to hide his face in Mr. Puffin's feathers, but failed. When we reached his door he pulled out two keys and unlocked two locks. I gave him a questioning look wondering why on earth he would need two locks on his door.

"Nosy Danes learned how to pick locks," he shrugged opening his door.

"Your room is so,"

"Crowded?"

"No, pretty." It was true. There were posters covering the walls, each of a different scene from Iceland. There was also a small area set aside for Mr. Puffin in one of the corners. He had a laptop set up and his flag hung over his bed. He had two chairs with a table in between them and in front of one sat a pile of unfinished paperwork. I wasn't one to judge, we all had the paperwork, and once it seemed that you had all of it done more would magically appear.

"C'mon," he said, breaking my thoughts. Once again he reached towards my hand and gently pulled me towards the laptop on my bed. He turned it on and accessed on of many web cameras. After a few seconds the World Meeting popped up.

"Huh?"

"The weather in my country can make pretty sick sometimes, so this is how I get away with missing the meetings. I have one at every one of the countries houses in the world, so I can watch the meeting no matter where they might be."

"That's genius!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, thanks. Took me a while to get one at yours and Switzerland's place though."

"I know. He doesn't like having them there, something about France and wars? I don't know, I don't really listen to him when he rants about having meetings at our place."

"Well who can really blame him? I mean it's not easy holding a world meeting."

"I know what you mean, I hate cooking for everyone. I mean I love cooking but I hate hearing everyone judge my food, it's just discouraging." Iceland looked away, a dark look covering his features.

"Lilli, I know it wasn't just some random guy that attacked you—"

"Emil," I said using his full name instead of his nickname. "What happened happened and I can't change that, I can only be more cautious and not hang around outside after dark."

"Why won't you just tell us what happened?" He asked. He had a good point. _'Why don't I just tell them what happened? What's the worst that could come of it?' _

"Maybe someday," I murmured looking away.

"Well, why don't you just start with me? It's not like the nations will hear out a small country like me, and I wouldn't tell anyone anyway." I didn't know what it was about him but I felt like I could be myself around him and not worry about what he thought of me. I didn't want to ruin that feeling by telling him about something that happened such a long time ago, even if it still has a huge affect on me. _*BANG! BANG! BANG!* _Someone was knocking on Iceland's door and it sounded as though they were about to break it down.

"Oh no," Iceland muttered looking back at the computer screen.

"What do you mean 'Oh no'?"

"Ummm get in the closet."

"I won't get into that closet until you tell me what's up!"

"There's a very angry axe-wielding Dane out there and he's looking for you." Iceland explained simultaneously shoving me into his closet. He walked over to his door, unlocked it, and opened it to a steamed Dane.

"Hey Denmark, what's up?"

"Where is she?"

"What do you mean?"

"Cut the crap, Iceland. Where's Liechtenstein?"

"Hún er í skápnum mínum."

"Iceland, tell me where she is now." Denmark warned, voice getting dangerously low.

"I did, but may I ask why you want to see her?"

"I just want to ask her what the assailant looked like."

"She won't tell you."

"You tried?" Denmark asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I thought she might talk to me, she didn't though. Just repeated what her brother said."

"Oh, well, where'd she go? I still want to talk to her."

"The Linen closet," Iceland sighed, feigning defeat.

"TO THE LINEN CLOSET!" Denmark shouted, charging out of the room, Iceland not far behind. Feeling like it was safe to come out I left the closet. I looked around at his room, at all the happy pictures, the homey feeling that seemed to emanate from everything. That feeling came over me, the feeling of wanting to go to sleep and never wake up. The feeling that only one other nation felt. I sat back down on his bed and peeled the gauze off my left wrist. I stared at the cuts for only a moment before plunging a nail into the scab. I hissed at the pain and wrapped the cut back up before Iceland or any other nation saw the blood. Hearing footsteps behind me I put on that oh-so-fake-smile and turned around.

"Hey, sorry about Denmark. He shouldn't bug us anymore at least for a little while." Iceland said sitting down next to me on his bed.

"I heard you trick him into the linen closet, but even if it's locked wont he just break down the door with his axe anyway?"

"I highly doubt that would happen."

"Why?"

"Because. I stole his axe." He said smirking.

"Ummm, I hate to break up this touching moment, but Germany's demanding that everyone get back to the meeting 'JETZT!'" we turned around to see Korea imitating Germany behind us, even using the German word for now. "Denmark too," he added looking at Iceland. Iceland got up to go free Denmark leaving Yong-su and me alone.

"Lilli, what the hell happened? I know it wasn't just some random guy on the street."

"Look, Yong-su. It's really not all that important."

"Bull. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Half your face is black." I reached up and touched my face, pulling my hand away I looked Korea directly in the eye.

"Yeah, look even I wanted to tell you I wouldn't know where to start. And it's a long story anyway."

"We've got time, I made up that stuff about Germany wanting everyone back, he actually gave everyone an hour break."

"Oh."

"Why don't you just start from the beginning?" He suggested.  
"…"

"Ok, it's what makes you cut yourself, isn't it?" He asked, hitting the nail directly on the head. I didn't trust my voice to answer so I just nodded.

"Ok, then how about this? I'll go first. Everyday I'm being pulled in two. My north and my south. The north hates everyone and the south doesn't and is always fighting with the north. It's like I'm in an everlasting civil war. I can't deal with it up here," he said tapping his head. "So I deal with it down here," he finished tapping his wrists.

'_I can't just tell him nothing after he told me that, can I? But I don't want him burdened with what happened to me. I mean its common knowledge about North Korea and South Korea but not about The Laugher. ARGHHH!' _

"C'mon, you're not just going to stay silent after I practically bared my soul to you, are you? Not cool Liechtenstein. Not cool." He said, play pouting.

"No, I guess I'm not," I said with a chuckle. I told him everything. How I was drugged my The Laugher, raped, got surgery, and then how last night he attacked me. I even told him about the nightmares.

"Whoa," he breathed, after I finished my story. We had left Iceland's room by then and had been slowly walking back towards the meeting room. We had stopped outside the meeting room doors, which was where I finished my story.

"Yeah, I'm going to go take a nap in my seat, I didn't get much sleep last night, as you can imagine."

"Yeah, I guess your story's way more traumatizing than mine, huh. So I'll see you when the meeting starts back up."

"Yeah, see ya."

"See ya," he said waving. I walked back into the meeting room and sat next to Vash. I put my head in my arms and closed my eyes.

"Hey," I said, the sound muffled by my sleeves.

"Hey, you don't have to sleep there," Vash said

"Huh? What do you mean, Bruder?"

"Come here," he said, grabbing my arm and leading me outside. He led me to a tree and we both lied down in its shade. My head was resting on Vash's chest, and I closed my eyes for sleep. The blackness came relatively quickly, but it didn't last for long. I soon found myself in the worst possible of situations, THE nightmare, here at a World Meeting. This wouldn't be fun.

* * *

AN: HOLY SPOONS! 9 reviews? Wow, thanks people! So ya'll who reviewed got hugs, I'd list ya but my laptops dieing and my folks stole my charger. IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO FREAKING LONG TO GET UP! But I swear that I'll update everyday this week so that make up for it right? *holds two thumbs up* Oh yeah any reviews that gave suggestions to things I should do have been taken into consideration and thought about! Thank you for the lovely criticism! BAI!

Translations:

Hún er í skápnum mínum: Icelandic for shes in my closet.

Bruder: German for... Brother O.O! No shit sherlock.


	6. Chapter 6

_The dream started out how it usually would, me running and panicking, but this time I gained control. I knew I had to get away, but that was when things went wrong. I stopped at a fork in the allies so to speak and waited. I stood and waited until his form approached me, then I made my move. _

"_Oomph!" I grunted as my fist made contact with his face, the satisfying feeling of bone crunching under my fist._

"_What the hell? You aren't supposed to fight back, silly silly number twenty-four. You can't fight m—"_

_He didn't get to finish seeing as I punched him again, harder than before. He stumbled backwards, giving me enough time to turn and find the road. On the other side of it was Vash, standing there like a savior. Then everything went white._

I was sitting up, my arms pinned behind me and a Korean man in front of me. His nose was bleeding and his lip was split. Vash was behind me holding my arms back, restraining movement. I stopped struggling- something I hadn't realized I had been doing- and went completely lax. Vash recognized the change immediately and released me.

"Lilli, are you awake?" Vash asked me.

"Yeah, Oh Gott, did I do that to you Yong-su?" I asked, my voice shaking. I wrapped my arms around myself protectively.

"Yeah," he said. "But it's not too bad, I've had worse." He finished with a shrug.

"Oh Gott… Ich konnte es nicht haben … aber... WARUM?" I asked turning to Vash. He looked at me and seemed to be choosing his words carefully, as if not to cause me too much distress.

"Oh nur ausspaucken Bruder." I said, annoyed with his hesitance.

"You started kicking and whimpering in your sleep and Korea came over to tell me that the meeting was going to start in five minutes, he saw that you were asleep and tried to wake you and you punched him, twice." Vash stated choking back laughter at the end.

"I'm so sorry, Yong-su."

"It's alright, Lilli."

"Since when are you two on a first name basis?" Vash demanded, getting up and pulling me with him. Korea and I looked at each other and blushed, both thinking the same thing.

"Ummm, we should be getting back to the meeting da-ze~"

"Ja, we should be going Bruder." We started back towards the house and Korea and I ignored Vash's accusatory looks. We entered and sat at our seats. The beginning started, nothing was too out of the ordinary, France groped anyone within arm's reach, Italy clinging to Germany's arm and talking about pasta, America and England fighting and making up, the Nordics keeping mainly to themselves and the surrounding few countries, everything was running perfectly smoothly until;

"Yong-su what are those marks on your arms aru?" My eyes instantly went to him and I saw his smile falter ever so slightly. Nobody else appeared to see it though and Korea lied smoothly.

"Oh those, they're from stupid wars, nothing to worry about." He said, flashing a thumbs up.

"Oh, good. For a moment I was worried that you were cutting aru."

"Really Yao? Me, cut? Yeah right!" I stopped listening after that, confident that our secret was still safe. There was still something in China's eyes that said he didn't quite believe Koreas story, but nothing that would be to concerning. Germany called the meeting back to order and things started rolling smoothly again. After about fifteen minutes I noticed the world starting to spin and black dots dancing across my vision. I had only experienced this before—when I was drugged—and knew it couldn't be that. I hadn't drank anything today and knew the only other times I had felt this way was when I lost a little too much blood. I looked at my wrists and arms, not finding any cut there I moved down, I pulled the skirt up to my knee and saw what had happened, there was a huge cut going from my ankle to my knee, it was deep too, and I noticed that my leg was numb. I put my dress back down and turned to look at Vash, he was bored.

"Bruder," I whispered, touching his arm.

"Yes, Lilli?"

"I need you to come to the bathroom with me, it's an emergency." His eyes became worried and he turned to Germany.

"I request a ten minute break, Germany." He said.

"Fine, Italy can I see you outside?" Germany said, dismissing the meeting. Vash turned back to me and got up. "Coming?" He asked, I nodded and tried to get up. My legs failed and I fell a little ways towards the chair before regaining balance. We walked to the bathroom and I sat down on the toilet.

"Lilli, what was so important that you needed me?" Instead of answering him with words I just lifted my skirt to rest on the area just above my knees. He stared at the cut for only a minute before springing into action. While he was turned around getting toilet paper I quickly unwrapped my wrists of the gauze. He turned around and started wiping up the excess blood,

"Lilli, how long has this been bleeding?"

"I don't know, maybe since we walked back? I don't remember getting cut but it could've happened then."

"This is a lot of blood, but I've almost got it wiped up, do you have anything to bandage it with?"

"Ummm some gauze, but not enough," I said, holding out the gauze to him. He took it and wrapped it around half of my leg, it was the highest it went.

"I know where we can get more, I'll be right back," I said, getting up and leaving before he could protest. I went and found Korea, which wasn't hard considering how loud and obnoxious he was being. I pulled him aside, leaning heavily on him as I did so.

"What's up Lilli?"

"You got any gauze?"

"Yeah how much ya need?" I showed him my leg and his mouth formed a little 'o'.

"Here," he said, handing me a small roll.

"Thanks Yong-su, you're the best." He nodded and I went back to a waiting Vash in the bathroom. I handed him the roll and he finished bandaging my leg.

"Lilli, do you mind if I look at the underside of your dress? O-only to f-find out how much blood you lost!" He finished blushing at the end. I was too tired to answer so I just flipped the bottom of my dress up and he looked at the fabric, inspecting the cloth.

"Mein Gott, there's a lot of blood here," he whispered.

"I'll be ok," I said, breathing labored. "Let's get back to the meeting." He gave me a doubtful look so I got up and started to leave without him. He flushed the bloody paper and followed close after making sure I didn't fall. We got back to our seats and sat down. I rested my head against his shoulder and waited for everyone else to get back. Korea was the next to enter and I threw the left-over gauze at him before anyone could see. He smiled and sat down.

"What was up with that Switzerland? You need some 'special time' with Liechtenstein?" America yelled entering the room. Vash simply answered him by shooting at him. America got the message and sat down. We only had one more speech and that was Denmark's inviting us to the after-meeting party tomorrow. There is almost always one and I knew we would be going. Free food was always a motive for Vash, no matter how uncomfortable the situation was. We got up to leave and I fell into the car. I closed my eyes and blackness encased me, I didn't wake up until that morning, I did not dream.

* * *

AN: **NEED TO KNOW YOU MUST KNOW: There is a poll up on my profile on who you want Lilli to end up with, I've gotten multiple requests for different people so I took them and made a poll. The story will be at a standstill until you people vote so VOTE!**

Translations:

Gott… Ich konnte es nicht haben… aber... WARUM: God... I couldn't have… but… WHY

Oh Gott: Oh God

nur ausspaucken: just spit it out

Ja: yes or yeah

PS. All German and if I made any mistakes do not hesitate to correct and blame Google translate.


	7. Chapter 7

Warnings: mental instability, confusion, drunked-ness, and a random slut.

Disclaimer: I own Hetalia, because in a matter of days I a teenage girl in one of the most forgotten states in the US managed to blackmail Himaruya Hidekaz into giving me the wonder that is Hetalia. Pffft I didn't believe that either. Oh I also don't own the news.

* * *

I woke up in my bed, but I didn't remember how I got there. We had left the meeting and got into the car, I didn't remember anything after that and that single fact scared the living daylights out of me. I may be in my own bed but that doesn't change the fact that The Laugher could have gotten to me again. I started panicking, my breathing hitching and quickening. Tears flowed down my cheeks, I hadn't dreamed and the last time that had been was when I had been drugged. Someone heard me and came running, I felt arms wrap around me and gentle rocking.

"Shhhh, Lilli, nothing happened. Shhhh." Vash repeated that a few times before I got my head together.

"What happened? I don't remember getting here at all. Did…did he get to me?"

"No, no nothing like that happened. You fell asleep in the car and I didn't want to wake you up, so I carried you up here and put you in bed. Did you have the nightmare? Is that what brought this on?" He asked, worry lacing his voice.

"No. No, in fact I didn't dream at all. The last I remember that happening was when he drugged me. I'm sorry for freaking out, Bruder."

"It's alright Lilli; you have nothing to apologize for. How many times must I tell you that before it finally sinks in?"

I smiled at that and broke away from Vash. "I'll go get breakfast ready," I said, standing up.

"It's already made." Vash said following suit. I gave him a questioning look and followed him towards the kitchen. "You were finally getting some sleep and it didn't appear that you were having any nightmares. I didn't want to wake you so I made it myself." He looked at me, a blush slowly forming on his cheeks. "I hope it's edible," I heard him add under his breath. We reached the table and I saw a very appetizing breakfast waiting for us. There was fruit, sausage, and pancakes. I said my prayers and got to eating, it was perfect. After breakfast I went to shower. I my usual pick dress, showing off my leg proudly. I walked into the room to find Vash watching the news channel.

"Lilli," he said hesitantly. "I think I've figured out what happened to your leg."

"Really what?"

"Rüfen*," one single word that brought so much understanding.

"Oh, how bad."

"Very." He was already dressed and we had a little while before the party. It was one o'clock, and the party didn't start until two. We watched T.V. for the next half hour and then left. We arrived on time and—much to Vash's dislike—discovered that there were humans at the party. Girls and boys, both mingling with the Nations. Vash looked angry, searching for a way out of this, sadly that was made impossible when a drunk Dane came and put his arms around both of us.

"Get off of me and Lilli," Vash warned not liking being hugged. I realized something then, I had a crush on one of the male nations. A blush came to my face at that. I didn't like the idea of human girls possibly stealing him right out from under my nose. I went to find Hungary, she was my best friend and she was a safe bet. Vash let me go when he saw who I was going for.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey, I'm surprised Vash let you come, how'd you pull that one?"

"Easy, he didn't know about the humans or how much booze there was going to be."

"Nice. Hey, I think that one guys checking you out." She gestured to a cut human. He had black hair and was pale, very pale. But he didn't look sick. His skin and hair made a nice contrast. He had gray eyes as well, and he caught me staring. I blushed and looked down.

"He's coming toward you," Elizaveta said before walking away.

"Hey," the mystery boy said. "I'm Xavier."

"Lilli," I said.

"So, you want to dance or," he paused, looking at my leg, "Something else?"

"It doesn't hurt that bad, I'd love to dance." I said smiling. He took my hand and led me to the dance floor just as a slow song came on.

'_This is wrong, I shouldn't be using him like this,' _I thought. The irrational part of me that wanted to make that special country jealous told the rational part of me to shut her trap and dance. I put my arms around his neck and he put his hands on my lower back. We swayed for about thirty seconds before he pulled me closer, forcing me to rest my head on his chest. The first song ended and a second started back up. In the middle of the second song he pulled my chin up to look at him. He bent down, our lips were centimeters apart when a hand jerked me back.

"She's done dancing with you."

"Hey man, I think that's for her to decide and she wasn't exactly protesting." A gun was pointed at Xavier's head and he blanched, if that's even possible.

"U…Ummm I...I think he…he's right. See you around Lilli." Xavier turned and speed walked the other way and the gun was put away.

"Was that really necessary Vash?"

"Of course it was. He was trying to take advantage of you."

"Whatever," I said and turned to go find Elizaveta, I needed to vent. I walked over to where she was standing.

"Did you see that!"

"Yes, Switzerland had no right barging in between you and that boy like that."

"I know! And he did anyway! He claimed that he was trying to take advantage of me but honestly I doubt that would've happened."

"Me too, whatever don't be too mad."

"I won't." I said.

"I'm going to go dance with Roderich, ok?"

"KK see you later."

"Bye Lilli." She walked away and started dancing. My eyes went to him. The one very special nation. I couldn't believe what I saw. He was kissing some slutty human girl and from the looks of it was enjoying it too. I turned and ran towards the bathroom. Tears running down my cheeks. I closed and locked the door and took out my razor. I peeled back both bandages and started slicing. I lost count of how many times I did it on each wrist, I only knew that the cuts were deep, and the world was fading. I saw his face before me one last time, then blackness.

* * *

AN: Ok so next chapter will be in the point of view of the man she loves, I'm still accepting votes and even if you've already voted vote again! And if it won't let you tell me who in the reviews! TEN REVIEWS FINALLY! So happy!

* Rüfen is a real thing. "Rüfen are steep narrow stream beds or chutes on the mountain slopes of Liechtenstein. Over the centuries, after every storm torrents of water with great quantities of rocks and boulders rush down these chutes causing great damage and taking lives" /liechtenstein/111443 that's where I found it if anyone cares. They are actually a threat; oh her leg it didn't happen recently but it has before. K so RnR BAI! Oh yeah, she imagined the dude she loves heh.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, if I did, America would be a girl and Switzerland would be my personal chocolate whore. Ok did that last part sound creepy to anyone else?

* * *

VPOV

We got in the car and I started driving, within seconds Lille was asleep. I couldn't blame her, she'd had a long day. I risked a glance over at her leg, it was still wrapped but the outside was staining red. _'What the hell could have caused that?' _I don't like seeing her injured and this was certainly no exception. Its ridiculous, shes a nation- if anything happens to her land it happens to her- but I still don't like it. when we got back to the hotel, Lilli was still sleeping, I didn't want to wake her so I carried her up to our room and layed her on her bed.

"Ok Vash, you can do this. You always made food for yourself before Lilli came along. Right now is no different than from then." I said. I decided to make something simple, to insure its edibility. I turned the T.V. on low to the World News channel to see if I could figure out what happened in Liechtenstein. Twenty-nine minutes had passed before anything concerning her came on.

"And we will have more on the deadly Rufe tomorrow morning." I looked over at Lilli, _'I hope she doesn't have another nightmare. She needs her sleep.'_ I got ready for bed and turned off the remaining lights. My dreams were filled with Lilli, moments that had happened since I had found her.

* * *

I woke to a soft beeping, only to see that it was Lilli's alarm clock. She was to deep in sleep to notice it so I turned it off and went to make breakfast. I made pancakes, sausage, fruit, and poured to glasses of juice. I heard the sound of semi-silent sobs coming from the other room and went running, I pulled her into a gentle hug, "Shhh, Lilli, nothing happened.

"What happened? I don't remember getting here at all. Did…did he get to me?"

"No, no nothing like that happened. You fell asleep in the car and I didn't want to wake you up, so I carried you up here and put you in bed. Did you have the nightmare? Is that what brought this on?" I said worried. I didn't want her to be plagued with nightmares for the rest of her existence, it wasn't fair.

"No. No, in fact I didn't dream at all. The last I remember that happening was when he drugged me. I'm sorry for freaking out, Bruder."

"It's alright Lilli; you have nothing to apologize for. How many times must I tell you that before it finally sinks in?" Why she kept apologizing I will never know, it just didn't make sense.

"I'll go get breakfast ready," she said and stood up.

"Its already made," I said, standing up. "You were finally getting some sleep and it didn't appear that you were having any nightmares. I didn't want to wake you, so I made it myself." I blushed. It wasn't embarrassing per se, it was just unnatural. A role reversal. She prayed and started eating. Surprisingly, it wasn't bad, it was actually pretty good. We finished and she went to get ready. I took the time to catch up on some sleep, what can I say, I'm not a morning person. She walked into the room in a dress showing off her leg, "Lilli… I think I've figured out what happened to your leg."

"Really, what?"

"Rüfe," the single word holding more meaning than I would've originally thought.

"Oh, how bad?"

"Very." There was time before the party, so we watched T.V. Well, she watched it, I watched her. We got to the part and, much to my hatred, it was co-ed and human infested. I searched for a way out but found none when the Drunken Dane came up to us and threw his arms around us. "Get off me and Lilli." I growled. He complied and led us in. Lilli went off to find Hungary and I went to the open bar. I ordered a beer, but didn't drink it. It was just for appearances. A human boy went up to Lilli and asked her to dance, she went with him and they danced for a little while. A slow song came on and he pulled her closer, my temper flared. At the end of the song he brought his lips towards her and I couldn't take it anymore. I marched over and jerked her away from him.

"She's done dancing with you."

"Hey man, I think that's for her to decide and she wasn't exactly protesting." That did it, I pulled my gun and pointed at his head. The kid blanched.

"U…Ummm I...I think he…he's right. See you around Lilli." He left and Lilli jerked away from me. She went back over to Hungary and I went back over to the bar. I ordered a scotch and actually drank it. Some slutty girl came over to me at that point and kissed me. I put my hands in her hair and ripped her away from me.

"Your loss, mister. OH DENMARK!" She yelled. Iceland came over to me and sat down,

"Do you see your sister anywhere?" I looked around.

"No, why?"

"Just trying to keep track of all the Nations is all." Norway yelled that the party was over and all the humans left, the parties always lasted longer for the Nations and we just stayed where we were. Germany did a head count and found only one missing country, Liechtenstein.

"Ve~ she didn't leave out the front door."

"She didn't leave at all!" Someone yelled from the bathroom. I ran for the bathroom fearing the worst. And my fears came true. I saw her, lying in a pool of her own blood.

"Noregur! Hringja í neyðarnúmerið"

* * *

AN: OK I KNOW ITS BEEN 2 MONTHS I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY! *shot* But I has an excuse, I think my depression got the best of me. But I'm back and I have up to chapter 12 already written so expect a smorgasbord of updates soon! Cocobulaire, you are my LIFE SAVER! Kocham cie, really forever, kocham cie. I will edit my other chapters at a later date for those of you wondering, I am truly sorry, I hope that none of you hate me too much. Oh yeah! Mapleflavoredpeeps and I are writing a story together so watch for that sometime in the future ^o^.

IMAxENIGMAx OUT PEACE!


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Ok, seriously, this is a FAN fiction story. That means I DO NOT OWN, so don't sue me, if you did I'd light you on fire anyway.

LPOV

I was floating; there was nothing but blackness and peace. No pain, no suffering, no hiding. It was pure bliss. _Beep, beep, beep _something was invading the peace I had finally found, and I found myself waking up. It was like I had been asleep for a long time, then I felt it, the steady but sure burn in my wrists. The memories came flooding back. The party, the guy, the skank, _him_, the cuts, and then the blackness, someone must have found me, and called for help. I had to be in a hospital. Then I realized something, I couldn't move my arms, and I couldn't open my eyes. _'Must be some sort of sedative'_ I thought. I heard soft, even breathing nest to me and felt pressure and heat on my hand. Someone had been sitting next to me, holding my hand. I had no idea how much time had passed but I was able to open my eyes. I was assaulted with a bright white colour; I let out a small groan.

"Gott se danke, you're awake," I heard Vash say. "That's ridiculous, Bruder. Nations can't die."

"Still, they can, not wake up." I didn't have a response to that. He was right, some nations could have something happen to them and not wake up. Until the nation or empire in itself dies out the personification wouldn't. His gaze was heavy on me so I looked down. I felt self-conscience and guilty. Like a kid with their hand in the cookie jar.

"Why, Lilli? What could ever make you do this to yourself?" Vash said. "Is it the rape, is it the fact that you're still a small country, what is it?" He asked, I couldn't answer him so I pressed a nail into one of the bandages and felt relief at the sudden pain. "You can't keep hurting yourself; I don't know what I would do without you. Please tell me what makes you keep doing this." By this point he had turned away so he couldn't see me as I pressed harder into the wound. "Please, Lilli, please," I still didn't answer him I just pressed harder. Tears pricked my eyes from the pain and Bash must've turned around and noticed because my hands where taken away from each other. "You're still doing it, still causing yourself pain." He said, is voice barely above a whisper. "You have to tell me why," I looked up in time to see a single tear fall down his cheek. I had never seen him cry before, not once. It broke my silence. "The physical pain, it takes away from the emotional." I said.

"You're awake I see," a doctor said coming into the room. "We can take those bandages off now."

"Wait, what? How long was I out?"

"A week, you lost a lot of blood and we were worried about what would happen if we revived you too quickly." The doctor said. He reached towards my left wrist so I gave it to him and watched as he unwound the bandages, worry and fear coiled in my stomach. "You heal… remarkably fast." I gave him my right wrist and studied the left. It was true, the cuts were already almost completely healed. "Well, I'll leave you two to talk a bit," the doctor said before leaving. Vash came over and took my wrists, inspecting the damage.

"Lilli, there are more scars than from what you just did."

"Ja, there are."

"How long have you been c… c-"

"Cutting myself? Do you remember about three years ago when I started wearing long sleeves all the time?"

"That long ago? Gott I should've noticed that, it shouldn't have passed me by."

"Bruder, it's not your fault. I'm a very good liar." After I said that the door slammed open. "Lilli, félsz a szart ebbõl nekem." Elizaveta said. I felt something warm hit my cheek and heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh. My cheek stung with the force of her slap and then I was being hugged. I hugged her back and told her how I never meant to scare her. We hugged for a few minutes before finally speaking.

"I… I shouldn't have hit you," she said, voice thick with tears.

"No, I deserved it." We laughed at the stupidity of the situation for a minute before the doctor came back in.

"Miss Zwingli, you can leave now, and Mr. Zwingli, can I have a word with you?" Vash nodded and left the room with the doctor.

"Here, I brought you a dress, long sleeves because, let's face it, you were a dumbass." Elizaveta said, handing me a dress. "Oh and the rest of the world's outside, they want to see you."

"Great," I said sarcastically. "Give me a minute to get dressed?"

"Ok, I'll go tell them that you're alive and let you figure out what you're going to say." She handed me the dress and left. I looked at the dress, _'Dammit,'_ I thought. She had lied. She brought me a short sleeved green dress. There was no hiding the cuts on my arms from the other Nations now. _*CLICK*_ I heard the door close behind me and I turned around. Yong-su was standing looking at me.

"I could've been naked, you know."

"You don't have anything I haven't seen before on other women."

"Still, it's a matter of principle. So, what'd you need to say that the rest of the world can't hear?"

"Can you hide your wrists? I don't want China more suspicious than he already is."

"Not a problem. Now go get the rest of the world before Vash thinks your defiling me and comes in here guns blazing." I said. After Korea left, I figured out how to hide my wrists. I decided on sticking them behind my back and leaning against a wall. The door slammed open with Hungarian women leading the way. "Pay up, she's standing and dressed." Multiple Nations handed her money. I wondered when they would learn, she never lost. Never.

"Liechtenstein, what you did was completely immature, stupid, and childish. Countries can't die, you of all people should know this." England said. America came up and put his arm around the older man's waist and whispered something in his ear, leading him out. Prussia came up to me, holding onto Canada for dear life.

"Swester, how . . . how could you? Why?"

". . ." I opened my mouth, but words refused to come out. I got a chorus of "Yeahs!" and "He's right, why?"'s from nearly everybody in the room. America, thus far, was the only one not to speak, which was odd to say the least. What was even weirder was that he wasn't smiling.

"Why I did it doesn't matter, I feel much better now." The lie flew flawlessly from my lips. Well almost flawlessly.

"Liar," America said.

"Who are you to accuse her of something as outrageous as that?" Vash asked him, having slipped in through all the commotion.

"It's not outrageous. Depression runs rampant in my country, statistically she doesn't feel any better, if anything, she feels worse." I was staring at the floor while America spoke, each word hitting me like a ton of bricks.

"Lilli, is that true?" Someone asked me, I didn't know who, I had stopped paying attention. My voice remained silent, much like when Vash had been talking to me earlier.

"See?" America asked.

"Well th-the doctor told me she could use anti-depressants." Vash said.

"NO!" Both America and I cried. The people in the room gave us weird looks and at that moment England decided to rejoin the conversation. "Why not?" He asked.

"Anti-depressants make you feel all loopy, and like your brain is somewhere else while your body's on auto-pilot, sadly your mouth isn't. They make you act different than you normally would, and some are addictive. Don't force that on her, Switzerland."

"Alfred," England started. "How do you know so much?"

"Research," he replied bluntly.

"I've done research too; I've never found anything like that." America looked extremely uncomfortable replying to what England had said. Canada stared at the ground, trying to be invisible and miraculously failing.

"Mathew, do you know anything about this?"

"Mattie, don't." America warned.

"Alfred, I have to. He takes anti-depressants, Arthur. And from the look of it, he ran out."

"Way to let the cat out of the bag, Mattie."

"I was tired of keeping your self destruction a secret. Besides, he has a right to know."

"I don't care if he had a right to know, you betrayed my confidence. You're my twin for God's sake, you're supposed to keep my secrets, just like I do yours."

"Not if they're this serious-"

"Both of you just shut up!" England yelled. "Alfred, you've been taking anti-depressants . . . but, why?"

"I think the answer to your question is pretty obvious."

"Fine then, when?"

"After independence, before us."

"Y-you never. . ." England gestured to me.

"Cut myself, no, I did other things." I noticed that it seemed only the people who were affected by depression seemed to be able to talk about the self destructive qualities.

"You ran out of your pills." England said, more a statement than a question.

"No."

"But-"

"Here, Al." Mathew said, handing over two little white pills.

"Mattie always keeps extra and forces me to take them."

"I just don't want to lose my brother is all." Mathew said. Alfred swallowed the pills and focus was restored to me. Or so I thought. The door slammed open and in walked my worst nightmare.

"Hello, 24. Ready to come back to me?" The Laugher asked and I was cornered, with nowhere to go.

AN:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH! He's back! So my birthday is tomorrow! Yay me! And MapleFlavoredPeeps is txting me very odd sexual facts so ima answer her and cut this short. I'd love it if you people would read my newest storie "Scars" its fem!PolLiet.

TRANSLATIONS!:

Lilli, félsz a szart ebbõl nekem Hungarian: Lilli you scared the shit out of me

Gott se danke: Thank God

Google Translate people! Remember!

IMAxENIGMAx out. Peace!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Really, you don't believe that I don't own Hetalia yet?

Warnings: Heavily implied rape, torture, and filler chapter, sorry it's going to be short.

"Lilli, do you know him?" Elizaveta asked me. I was too afraid to answer her, even more afraid now that her knew my name. "Hmmm, so that's your name. _Lilli, _it has a nice ring to it. Oh my there are quite a few people in here, oh well. Are you ready to come with me?" I pressed up against the corner as hard as I could, and Vash stepped in front of me.

"Nngh," I tried to speak, to tell him no, but only a whimper came out.

"She isn't going anywhere with you!" Vash said, and pointed a gun at his head. The Laugher laughed and looked around for a minute. "This'll do," he said, grabbing Belgium. He pulled her in front of him and brought a knife to her neck. "I think she is coming with me, but if you insist on keeping her with you then she'll do." Finally I found my voice.

"Stop. I'll come with you as long as you don't hurt Bella." I pushed Vash to the side and walked forward, ignoring the protests from everyone else. They didn't know what was going on, but they had picked up on enough to know that this wasn't good. He grabbed me and released Belgium; we were out the window in a flash. Once we were seated in his car he put a bag over my head. _'Please find me, Vash, please.' _I thought as he drove off to God knows where.

Xx,

It was happening all over again, my greatest fears and worse nightmares coming to life. He was raping me. I had been with him for two days and there hadn't been any hint of any rescue any time soon. I felt him finish and yet again I pulled at my restraints. A hard hit against my cheek stopped my struggling.

"Mein liebe, Lilli. When will you ever learn?"

"I'm not your liebe." Another hit. "Elizaveta hits harder than you." Another hit. "Someone's getting tired, that one didn't hurt nearly as much." I waited for the hit, but it didn't come. Instead I felt something cool and metal. Then came the pain. He was carving something into my leg. I felt the blood running down and the pain just kept growing. He continued carving for a few minutes, and then mercifully stopped.

"That'll teach you to bad-mouth me."

"Nngh," I groaned, the pain and blood loss became too much. Blackness came, sweet blackness.

Xx

He was at it again, this guy had intense stamina, but this time it was different. More rushed, like he was trying to out-run something. Or in this case, out-hump. I couldn't say how long it had been, I had stopped counting after the fifth day. He finished in an all time record and set to carving. He had been carving me multiple times a day, all over my body. Arms, legs, stomach, neck, everywhere. The door banged open and there was a gunshot, The Laugher fell taking the knife, which was still embedded in my leg, with him. I screamed and fought against the darkness that was soon to catch me. I lost.

VPOV

We had been searching for two weeks, each day getting harder and harder as our ideas were shot down. It seemed like those two had just vanished off the earth. This was our last hope, and wouldn't you know it, it was right. I kicked the door open with a bang and shot him. I didn't know how far the others were behind me; I had raced ahead once the car was stopped. He fell, taking the knife that he had been carving her body with, with him. Her body. There were words and phrases carved all over her. Tramp, scoundrel, Property of The Laugher, Mein Liebe, Bitch, Whiner, the list could go on. I took my coat off and wrapped it around her. I picked her up and took her upstairs to the others. "Hungary, will you dress her?" I asked. She nodded and gently took Lilli from me. Prussia looked like he needed to do something so I decided to ask for help with something I really didn't need help with. "Prussia, will you help me dispose of the body?" He nodded and we went downstairs. It really didn't take too long to clean up the mess and by the time we were upstairs Hungary had Lilli dressed.

"What is she wearing?" I asked. She was in black-and-white flannel PJ pants and a deep purple camisole. I had never seen her in those clothes, and yet they seemed to fit her perfectly.

"These? These are what she wears when she stays over at my place."

"Wh. . . Bu. . . She-"

"Switzerland, her ideas of decent around me are _very_ different than her ideas of decent around you." I couldn't believe it. She thought she couldn't wear clothes that she felt comfortable in around me.

"Vash, we have to go, she's bleeding badly." Hungary's voice snapped me out of my trance. We drove to the hospital and she was taken away almost immediately.

Xx

"You have to let me see her!"

"Sir, you need to wait until she is stable, until then you will have to wait with your friends."

"NO! I need to see her now!"

"Sir! You need to wait! And stop yelling or we will have to ask you to leave." I went away from the doctor I was yelling back and sat down next to Hungary and Austria. Despite how we may feel at times, we were still friends, and I needed one. We had been surrounded by Nations ever since Prussia had called Canada.

"Switzerland relax, she's a lot stronger than you give her credit for."

"How would you know that?"

"She lived with me and mein bruder for a long time during the German Confederation. Trust me on this one." After that Hungary came over and asked if I could speak with her privately. We walked into an empty hallway and I waited for her to begin.

"You love Lilli."

"W-What? Of course I love her, she's my sister!"

"Let me rephrase. You're _in_ love with Lilli." My heart stopped. _'How did she figure it out?' _I thought.

"Th-That's ridiculous! She's my sister!"

"You two aren't related. Besides, I can see it, and the way you were arguing with that doctor. You love her, in more than a brotherly way." The doctor that I was yelling at came up to us. "You can see her now." I nodded and he walked away. Hungary beat me back to the previous conversation.

"Just tell her before she loses all hope. I don't want to lose my best friend because you were too stupid to tell her how you feel." With that she walked away. And I went to find Lilli.

**AN: IMPORTANT PLEASE READ!**

**So I've been getting questions about the story and I decided to answer them here incase anyone else was wondering.**

**1.) The Laugher is just a random character, not a country.**

**2.) Prussia and Lilli are cousins in this, but he treats her like a little sister. **

**3.) America doesn't cut himself he burns himself.**

**4.) The characters will get help; just let me get to it.**

**5.) Don't be afraid to ask other questions! I will answer them to make this fic as clear as possible.**

**Yeah so thank you Striped-Jeans, Not Short. Just Fun Sized, and MapleFlavoredPeeps for the happy birthdays! They seriously made part of my day! I say part because I got to go to the mall here and avoid my family which made the rest of my day! Thank you everyone for reviewing and favoriting and alerting either author or story, Kocham cie! (That's I love you in Polish) and I will see you all next chapter! Oh yeah, review please!**

**IMAxENIGMAX out! PEACE!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Hetalia, thank you FanFiction, for making me point out the depressing fact EVERY FRICKEN CHAPTER!**

_Beep . . . beep . . . beep. . . 'What? Oh. . . I'm in a hospital. Again.' _I thought before opening my eyes. "Gott se danke, you're awake." Vash said pulling me into a tight hug.

"Ahhahh!"

"I-I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" He let me go, but kept two hands on my arms.

"It's alright. I'm just a little tender after my latest escapade."

"Well that's one way to put it," Hungary started. "I like to call it 'Your Inspiring Adventure Into the Arms of Unwanted Passion.'"

"That sounds like a title for a book." Vash said."He's right, it does. Wait . . . you didn't?" Vash seemed confused by my question but Elizaveta caught on right away.

"And so what if I did?"

"Elizaveta,"

"What could you do about it anyway?" I thought for a moment and smirked. "I could tell your dear old Roderich what happened with you and one-half of the German Confederation."

"What are you talking about?"

"The night you gave me my dress." Her face visibly paled and she handed me a 'book'.

"You know, that's just a rough-draft."

"I don't care. I'm burning it, just like we did with 'Ameripeans and Prunadians.'"

"What are you tow talking about?" I felt blood rush to my face. I had forgotten that Vash was here. "Nothing you need to worry about, Switzerland. Now I'll go let everyone else in _before_ they beat the door down." Hungary said. She went over to the door and opened it. Prussia was the first inside, followed closely followed by Korea and China.

"Brace yourself," Prussia said. "I'm going to hug you." His hug was a lot gentler than Vash's and I actually managed to make my arms go around him. "Lilli, Im Young-su, can I talk privately with you, aru?" China said. Three heads nodded and everyone else left the room.

"Lilli, can I see your wrists, aru?"

"Um, s-sure." I held out my arms for China to examine. He took them, careful of the cuts, and only looked at them for a second.

"Thank you, aru. Korea, can I see yours now?" Korea stared at China wide-eyed and I couldn't help but wonder what was going through his head. "Why do you need to see my wrists, da-ze?" He asked with his signature bravado.

"Korea, aru. . ."

"Fine," Korea's voice lost all attitude. It went from his usual faked, peppiness to the voice of a broken man. China was shocked to say the least, but he didn't let that stop him from taking and examining Korea's wrist in the exact same way he did mine.

"Korea, these scars look exactly like Lilli's, aru."

"Yeah."

"They aren't from your wars, are they, aru?"

"Yeah."

"Do you cut yourself, aru?"

"Maybe."

"For Christ's sake, he does." I cut into their conversation. Korea gave me a look that could kill and I matched it with a bored one. "We both know if he had asked one more time you would've said yes."

"You're right, I guess you really didn't out step your bounds."

"No, she didn't how long aru?"

"Two and a half years." Both Korea and I expected some sort of yelling and berating from China, so what he did surprised us both. He hugged Korea and started whispering in Chinese. Korea buried his head in China's shoulder and broke down. I never expected to see Korea in such a weak state, he always seemed so strong. I guess even the strongest of people have to have a weak side sometimes. A few minutes had passed before they broke apart. You couldn't tell from Korea's face that he'd been crying. It was like the scene before me had never happened.

"Korea, will you tell me why you cut yourself, aru?"

"My two halves. You have no idea what it's like to be split in two for so long. Not to mention always having to act like I'm a happy, peppy, country. Those are the exact opposite of what I am. I hate acting like I'm someone I'm not."

"Korea, aru. . ." China pulled him into another hug. I teared up this time, Vash hadn't responded this way. I wanted, no needed, someone to care about me the way China cared about Korea. I slid my nail along one of the cuts I had, not enough to make it bleed though. They broke apart again and noticed me.

"Lilli, what's wrong?" Korea asked.

"Nothing, why would you think something was wrong?"

"Because you look like our about to cry."

"I-It's just that I wish that someone would've reacted like that when they found out about me."

"Wait- Switzerland didn't act like China did?"

"No, he didn't."

"He didn't yell at you did he?"

"No, he was happy that I hadn't died."

"But, don't you,"

"Yeah, and I thought he did too,"

"And he didn't even hint at it?"

"Aiyah! What are you two talking about, aru?" As Korea translated what we had said, the tears fell. They fell hard too. I had to listen as my love for Vash was told and how we were almost certain that he didn't love me back. I cut again, this time breaking through and feeling the blood, it wasn't a lot, but enough to help calm me. I felt strong arms wrap around me and a chin sit itself on my head. "Shhh," He said. "He'll come around eventually, I promise." China stepped away from the hug as the door opened.

"What the Hell did you say to her?" Switzerland said, looking at the two Asian Nations. "Don't cry, mein liebe, liebe Lilli." Then he saw my wrist. "What the HELL did you say to her!"

"W-we didn't say anything bad to her, I swear aru!"

"Yeah, because I'll actually believe that."

"B-bruder-"

"She wouldn't be crying and cutting if you hadn't said something now would she?"

"B-bruder-"

"I mean really, you expect me to believe-"

"VASH! T-they didn't say anything t-to m-make me feel this bad. I-it was all me, a-and, my thoughts."

"Bitte, stop doing this to yourself." He murmured into my hair, hugging me. Vash let go as everyone else poured into the room. "Liz, why did you choose those clothes again?" Prussia asked.

"Because they were the only clothes of hers I have."

"Not true." I cut in.

"Oh but that's so hard to get on,"

"So you dress me in barely there clothes?"

"They cover everything important, don't they?"

"That's not the point."

"You're right, the point is, is that you were in extremely bad shape and you were naked. I put you into the clothes that would cause the least amount of damage."

"You're right, I'm sorry and danke."

"It wasn't a problem," she said, and hugged me. Vash and I went to the car after that. I stared at my legs and arms, at the words and pictures carved into them, the ones on my stomach itching. _'All these things he carved, they're true. These will probably fade in a couple of hundred years, just like the last ones did. I wonder if they'd last longer if I cut into them every time they healed. It'd be such a release-' _

"Lilli," Vash's voice interrupted my thoughts. "The words o-on you, they aren't true. They're just the opposite, really."

"No, they are true. I've known that for a very long time."

"What? I don't see how any of that's true! I l-lo-"

"Stop looking through rose-tinted glasses, Vash, and you'll see what I see."

Xx

**AN: Ima do Authors notes like this from now on! Just to make it clearer. So Lilli is being pig headed and stupid! God she interrupted a very important sentence. Stupid Lilli stupid! MFP, this is for you, I don't own the idea for her outfit, the cami is MFP's and the checkerboard is inspired by her KH OBSESSION! Oh! Not Short. Just Fun Sized did this for me and it's the least I can do for her (him?) If you like Ouran High School Host Club, read her story! Its funny and sweet! I loves it! K translate time.**

**Gott se danke: Thank God, German **

**Mein Liebe, Liebe: My dear dear, German**

**Bitte: Please, German**

**Aiyah: (yes this does actually have a translation) Oi vey**

**IMAxENIGMAx out! PEACE!**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Normally I'd think of something snarky to say in the disclaimer, but today I'm just too tired, I don't own.

It was late when we got back to the hotel so I went straight to sleep. I dreamt of my second stay with The Laugher, and like in reality, didn't scream. I woke up to Vash's soft breathing. _'2:45. Great. Three hours.' _I decided to shower. I turned the water up to the highest temperature it would I could tolerate and got in. I scrubbed at my skin trying to rid myself of him to no avail. When I was done with my shower my legs and arms were covered in blood. I couldn't help that I'd opened up nearly all the cuts on my limbs. _'I can't wear my dresses, I'd get blood all over them and ruin them.'_ I called Hungary.

"Yeah, so basically I need clothes."

"I'll be right up." We hung up and I sat on the couch in a towel waiting for her.

/)^o^)/)

About fifteen minutes later Elizaveta showed up.

"Here you go. You left them with me the last times you stayed over."

"I did?"

"Yeah well they were clothes you only wore around my place so I have quite a few."

"That makes sense."

"Now if you will excuse me I kind of woke up Roderich and he's not exactly a morning person."

"I know what you mean. Now go before he finds out you came _here_ of all places."

"See you later, Lilli." Hungary said and left. I looked at the duffle she brought me. Sighing, I opened the bag and looked in. There were a lot of clothes. A lot. Enough that if they had been folded they wouldn't have all fit. That explained why they were rolled. _'I must leave a lot of clothes there.' _ I ended up choosing a pair of jean shorts and a black tank top. The top was a light, wispy, slightly see through material so I had on a hot pink camisole underneath. The black top flowed and was diagonally cut at the bottom; it was one of my favourite shirts.

I made breakfast; eggs, bacon, and waffles. I was sitting down in the living room when Vash woke up.

"Nnng, Lilli, good morning."

"Guten morgen, Switzerland.*" His eyes were still closed as he shuffled, more like lumbered, towards the smell of food.

"It smells wonderful, Lilli." He said. He started eating and he finally woke up. "W-Where did you get those clothes?" He asked, staring at me.

"Elizaveta."

"What?"

"Apparently, every time I visit her place I leave clothes at her place. Today, she brought me a duffle full."

"B-But why aren't you wearing one of your dresses?"

"O-Oh, I'll wear my dresses when I'm sure that I won't start bleeding and ruin them."

"I-It's not that you don't look good! I-It's just different."

"Mm-Hmmm." My eyes focused on some of the words carved into my arm. The words _'ugly' _and _'loveless'_ together. I felt a hand on my chin and my eyes were forced to meet brilliant moss green.

"Stop it," he said. He must've noticed that I was focusing on those two words. "You aren't ugly, and you aren't loveless. Every word on you is a lie."

"I don't need your sympathy."

"It's not sympathy, it's just a fact."

"No, it's not. I'm hideous; I always have been and always will be. I can't think of a single person who loves me."

"I can," he said, and kissed me. _'He's kissing me. _Vash _is _kissing ME_! And I'm standing here like a wooden fence post. DO SOMETHING!' _Somehow my arms found their way around his neck and I kissed him back. He licked my bottom lip and I granted him access, sucking in air at the same time. We battled for dominance and he won, big surprise. He explored every corner of my mouth. We broke away—gasping for air—when he confessed.

"Lilli, I love you, more than just as a swester. And. . . I can't bear to lose you." He gently grabbed my wrist and traced the scars from the first hospital visit.

"I- I love you too, Vash, and I-I never meant to lose you." We spent the day together after that and fell asleep peacefully, his arms wrapped around me.

(\(^J^)/)

(At the meeting a few days later)

"We need to address the growing number of countries with mental instability. We know of two and all other Nations must take an evaluation of your mental state. Liechtenstein and America can stay in here while all others report to their assigned evaluation rooms." Germany said.

"Korea can stay too, aru."

"China, how a person acts cannot give us an accurate reading of their mental health, just look at America, no one would've guessed he's mentally unstable he acts like a happy idiot most of the time."

"HEY!"

"Shut up, America."

"Korea can stay, aru."

"Nein, he cannot. Or do you know something we don't?"

"I cut myself." Korea finally spoke up. "What? I was tired of you two guys talking about me like I'm not here, da-ze."

"Very well, he can stay. Everyone else, out. NOW!" As everyone else left the room the three of us that were allowed to stay in the room moved and sat next to each other.

"They're not going to let us out of their sight." America said.

"So now what do we do about it da-ze?" At first no one had an answer for the question. Then it hit me.

"We help each other," I said. "Look, there are precautions that our loved ones are taking against us to make sure we don't self-harm. Even that seems to be what helps us most." The others nodded. "It's painfully obvious that you've stopped taking your pills, America and let me see your arms." Yep, just as I thought, there were fresh burns on his arms.

"How have you stopped taking the anti-depressants?"

"I'm palming them and then throwing them down the sink."

"Lilli, I haven't seen any new cuts on you da-ze."

"Vash won't let me near anything with long sleeves so I've been cutting on my stomach."

"Good idea, Liechtenstein." America said.

"Back on track," I started. "We've got to stick together, defend each other when questioned about—unpleasant—topics. So we'll vouch for each other against any and all questions."

"You're quite the little strategist, aren't you." America said, it wasn't a question, but a statement.

"I've lived with a lot of different countries in my time, I should be." The doors opened and England, China, and Switzerland came back in. Korea, America, and I put on our fake smiles and went back to our seats.

"What were you three talking about?" England asked.

"Oh nothing, this and that." America covered.

"Well we will be getting the video feed to this room just to make sure of that, aru."

"That's an invasion of privacy da-ze!"

"You three are sick, you need help, and if that means doing things like this, then we will." Switzerland said.

"But. . . Vash. . ."

"I'm sorry, Lilli, but all I want is for you to get better, no matter the cost." The others came in after that and the conversation was dropped. I tuned out the rest of the meeting because I was mad. Pissed off if more like it. My conversation with Korea and America kept playing in my head. I could always leave Vash and live in Vaduz, but I really didn't want to. The meeting ended and America, Korea, and I awaited our fate.

/)(OoO)(\

OH MY GOSH IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT! BUT I HAS REASONT *coughexcusescough*

First the internet was cruelly ripped away from me and I just got it back. I was using my iPod sneak-like while I waited and you can't type a story on those things.

Second I LOST THE CHAPTER!

Ok I'm so sorry this is so short but I has writers block, no reason for such a crappy chapter so this time I ask for no reviews. None, I don't deserve them for such a crappy chapter.

* If you knew immediately that this is from the anime, I give you deformed internet elves!

So, yes that is all. Thank you.

IMAxENIGMAx out. PEACE!


	13. Chapter 14

Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Do. Not. Own. . . Yet. . .

(Yes I know I left off with Lilli being pissed and going home but nothing happened there so vwalah! World meeting.)

"Everybody shut up!" Germany yelled, officially signifying the start of the meeting. "The results of the mental health evaluations are back and I would like to bring up some of the more serious issues. It has been discovered that a number of countries have been diagnosed with a mental disability. Italy and Russia to be exact. Their mental age is that of a young child. In Russia's case his already violent nature is amplified because he doesn't understand how to deal with his anger and Italy's mind stopped aging after it reached the age of about a six year old. The major issue is who's going to take care of them-"

"Me and our boss already take care of fratello so back off potato bastard!"

"Calm down, Lovi."

"Don't touch me tomato bastard!"

"Anyway, what about Russia-san?" Japan asked. Nobody had an answer. Obviously no one wanted to be the one to take care of Russia.

"I'll do it, aru." China volunteered. I tuned out after that, I only wanted to know what was wrong with who and how they were going to "fix" it. These meeting never concerned me, The Principality of Liechtenstein. I was too small and since Vash was the one that took care of most of the business anyway I never had to listen. It was just a formality, my being there.

"Liechtenstein. . . Liechtenstein! Why do you feel so depressed? Is it because of The Laugher? He's dead now; so you can start to heal. Physically and mentally." England said.

"Did you ever consider the fact that it could be because of more than one reason?" I asked as politely as I could. I was still extremely pissed off from yesterday.

"Everybody, let's take a break. We will reconvene in one hour. DO NOT BE LATE!" Germany said, well yelled, before everyone disbanded.

"Lilli, could I talk to you and America and Korea?" Iceland came up to me and asked. Carefully avoiding the watchful eyes of Vash, and at the moment, I was willing to do anything to get away from said Swiss.

"Of course, Emmy." We went and got the other two nations and left the meeting room. The meetings were still at Denmark's house so we went to Iceland's room.

"China, England, and Switzerland all came to me asking for the tape to your conversation yesterday while everyone was being evaluated. I told them that it would take me a few days to copy the data for them but I'm willing to 'lose' it to a virus for you guys. "

"Why would you do that for us, Iceland?" America questioned, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Because I know what it's like to only have one way of release and it'd be wrong for me to help them take that away from you."

"Thank you, Emmy, I think that we'll have to take you up on that offer."

**An: PRETTY DAMN IMPORTANT READ OR I SHALL SEND LITTLE GNOMES TO LIGHT YOUR ASS ON FIRE! **

**DON'T KILL ME I KNOW THAT THIS IS AN UBER SHORT CHAPTER BUT I HAS GOOD REASON!**

**Ok so Its so short because I have things happening in the next chapter that I don't want in this one, and next chapter is all planned out so I will update on Monday because I am going to the county fair tomorrow and on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday Maple and I will be at AnimeIowa! I hope I see at least someone who might read my story but if I don't I don't. That's life. ** **Ummm ah, yes. my pen is better than my sword, UPDATE YOUR FREAKING STORY! That goes double for you two Not short. Just fun sized! I am aware that the angst level dropped but it will pick back up again and the reason that everyone did not spazz about Lilli being a cutting board is because Vash threatened them. Yup yup, I just forgot to mention that. The votes are in and you shall get lots of normal length chapters. **

**THE REALLY IMPORTANT PART:**

**Umm I am running out of ideas and I know what I want to happen but I don't know how to get there so if any on you wonderful people have any ideas I would love you forever and you'd get a shoutout ^^ **

**IMAxENIGMAx out. PEACE!**


	14. Chapter 15

**Chapter (what is this?) 14**

The meeting was cut short, something about France and Chocolate, I wasn't really sure. Anyway, Vash and I went back to the hotel to get our things. I hadn't slept well so I had packed our things in the early hours of the morning. We grabbed our suitcases and checked out. The meetings in Denmark were finaly over and we could just now go home. We had been in the car all of five minutes when Vash decided to break the wonderful silence that had settled around us.

"Um. . . I wanted to. . . apologize for not acting. . . right."

"What?"

"It's just, I know I'm not very good at relationship type things and I feel like you deserve more." This brought a smile to my face, he didn't seem to realize that I knew that before saying those three unforgivable words. "Vash, how long have I known you?" I was answered with a shrug and figured it was all I was going to get. "So don't you think I already knew that before I told you that I love you?"

"Well yes, but it still doesn't seem right. It just seems like you deserve more than what I'm giving you." His cheeks were bright red by now and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Do not tell me what I do and do not deserve." My voice had unintentionally hardened from the light giggle to darkness now. I deserved what I thought I deserved, not what anyone else thought. Vash didn't seem to notice the edge I had developed in my voice and that was ok, I didn't want him mad or hurt because of me.

"Still, I think you deserve better than me."

"But I dont. I dont deserve someone as amazing as you, I deserve someone much, much worse." That was the depression I was trying so hard to fight talking.

"No. never think that you deserve anything but the best, do you understand me?" He sounded upset, I couldn't believe that I had upset him, it wasn't an ok mistake, not at all.

"O-Ok Vash," I tried to force a steady calmness into my voice, but it shook anyways.

"Hey, are you ok?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Because your voice shook."

"I think you're hearing things, Vash."

Our conversation had trailed off after that, Vash giving me worried glances ever few minutes. I didn't get it, he was worried, but about what?

(Motherfukin awesome line break)

We had gotten to the airport about ten minutes ago and Vash had been arguing with security for about 8 of those.

"Because we're really going to blow our own country up!" The airport had been trying to make us go through security, it wasn't even real security though. They just wanted to run the metel-detector thingy over us.

"For Christs sake!" I said, Vash looked at me, and in his brief pause, I took over.

"Scan me." Nobody argued with me. What was that saying, _'Hell hath no wrath like a womans scorn'_? I put my arms out and my feet shoulder length apart, the man holding the scanner wasn't hesitant to run it over my body. It only blipped once, over my pocket.

"Please empty your pocket, Miss." My heart skipped a beat, my razor was in my pocket. I reached into my pocket and groped for anything else that might've set the scanner off. My hand returned clutching about 87 cents in change.

"All the way, Miss."

"That is all the way."

"No, it's not. I can see the outline of somehting else in there." I took a breaath and reached into my pocket, my hand retracted with the razor in tow.

"That's why we insist on doing this, what if she overpowered you with that? She could seriously hurt you, or kill you." I let out a bark of dry laughter. We were countries, I wasn't going to be able to be able to kill or harm him, and more over, I didn't want to.

Something flashed in Vash's eyes when he saw the razor that I couldn't identify. It wasn't anger and it wasn't hurt. I just couldn't identify what it wwwas. The head of security came bursting into the room then, he was pissed, to put it simply.

"Give them back whatever it was you took and let them on their plane."

"But you didn't see what they had with them!"

"I don't care if they're packing heat, let them onto their plane." I was given my stuff back and Vash and I made our way to our plane.

In silence.

I at least expected him to complain about what had happened. But he didn't. I could still see it in his eyes, and confronted him about it on the plane.

"Why do you have that look in your eyes?" Vash didn't answer me. Instead, he looked at my pocket, then at my wrist. He didn't look at the carving from The Laugher, he looked at the self-made ones. I turned my wrist over, it was habit to hide. I tried my hardest everyday to keep him from seeing them, and a lot of the times, I don't think he saw them. The scars were shameful and and proof of weakness, I hated them. I didn't want Vash to see what had become of me after he'd taken me in.

Vash reached over and took my wrist in his hand. He turned it over and stroked the first few scars with his finger tips. I looked away, I couldn't help it. I could barely face my own scars on a good day, and Lord knew I certainly couldn't on a bad day. And apparantly, I couldn't take Vash facing my scars.

"You don't have to hide from me."

"Maybe I'm not hiding from you, maybe I'm hiding from myself." This time, I could identify the emotion that flashed in his eyes.

It was shock.

But it was true, I wasn't so much hiding them from Vash, as I was hiding them from me. I didn't want to see them, I didn't want to face the fact that I had a problem.

Hell, I didn't _want_ a problem.

And God knew just how hard it was to ingnore all all those things when Vash wouldn't let me withing a 5 foot diameter of long sleeves!

"I. . . don't understand." His voice brought me out of my reveree and back into reality.

"I don't want to see them, I don't wan to acknowledge them or remember them. I don't want tot see how weak I am. They're shameful, I'm shameful." My voice was bitter, I was saying things about myself I had ignored for a very long time. Tears were burning my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I refused to sink to that level of weakness.

Two strong arms wrapped around me and a face burried itself in my hair.

I was stunned. Who wouldn't be? Vash wasn't a very touchy feely or lovey dovey for that matter.

The face turned and a cheek placed istelf where the face had previously been.

"I couldn't bear losing you, not ever. And your cuts arent weak or shameful. Weak is giving up, you haven't yet, and I won't let you." I remained silent, still shocked from his words. I didn't remind him of the party where I had not-so-succesfully tried to commit suiced. If that wasn't giving up, I didn't know what was. Vash didn't appear to want to let go any time soon, so I settled into his embrace and drifted off into the beautiful darkness of sleep.

(Another Motherfukin awesome line break)

He woke me up when we landed, my head was on his shoulder. We grabbed our things and left the plane. We found our car and headed in the direction of home, a comfortable silence had settled around us and neither of us was willing to break it. We were home fairly quickly, and after I put my stuff in my room I headed to the kitchen. What I say, astouned me.

Vash was cooking dinner. He told me to go take a bath, and that I deserved to relax. There we go with the deserve crap again, but I didn't argue. He said he'd take care of dinner. My bath was lovely, I had filled it with bubbles and soaked in it until I was practically a prune. I put on some of my clothes. Not the ones Vash had given me, I liked those, I really did, but I wanted Vash to see the whole me, instead of just his pretty little doll. I went downstairs to see that dinner was already on the table, only something was off. Vash was already sitting down and was cutting his meal.  
Mine was already cut up.  
I sat down and stared at Vash until he looked up at me, a questioning expression on his normally calm face.  
"Vash, where's my knife?"

**AN: HOLY FUDGE MONKEYS IM BACK! And you can thank **my pen is better than my sword** for that ^^ So I have some pretty good ideas for the next couple of chapters and I shouldn't EVER take this long to update again. What can I say, the past 5 months haven't been very nice and I'm sick. . . again. . . for the 3rd time in two weeks -_- So yeah, I don't really deserve reviews, but if you'd like to I certainly won't turn them down! IMAxENIGMAx out, PEACE!**

**PS: This was typed on WordPad, cause my new computer dont got Word, so if their are mistakes. . . well, I tried.**


	15. Well Fuck

**AN: Well fuck.**

**I re-read this story and holy shit my writing here sucks and I have no idea where I even intended to go with it so, as per the usual with AN's like this, I am re-writing this story from the beginning. I have the plot a lot clearer in my head and I can promise that my writing skills have vastly improved. **

**I cannot tell you when the first re-written chapter will be up, but if it's not up within a month, I'll give this story up for adoption.**

**I love the lot you, **

**imaxenigmax**


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